POETRY DEATH MATCH
Enjoy this log of the first POETRY DEATH MATCH, apparently from a Halcyon Fest in River's Rest.
You say, "All right... for the first round, it's Lyv vs Rhud, and Nofret vs. Ratero."
Lyvonia asks, "do we die if we lose?"
Rhud asks, "Die?"
You say, "If I'm feeling grumpy."
Rhud asks, "Dis a death match?"
You say, "Well, I don't think there will be death involved."
You say, "Unless someone's poem is so terrible they get smitten by the gods."
[An Ivory and Green Striped Tent]
Stripes of ivory and green alternate across the pavilion's top in a bold
pattern. The silk billows languidly, caressed by gentle breezes. On two sides,
the tent walls are rolled up and secured with festive silk sashes braided
with garlands of pure-white stargazer lilies laced with crisp greenery. Against
the other walls, carved ivory chairs offer comfortable seating. A band of
minstrels plays a variety of stringed and percussion instruments in the back
of the tent. You also see a cream-colored basket decorated with satin ribbons
and filled with fresh blossoms, an ivory linen-covered table with some stuff
on it and an ivory tent flap.
Also in the room: Lady Lyvonia, Rhud who is seated, Nofret who is seated,
Lord Ratero
Obvious exits: none.
You exclaim, "All right... whisper your words to your partner, and start writing!"
You say, "You have until 2 o'clock to make a poem."
You say, "Elven."
You ask, "Thaumatous, would you like to play in our second game of POETRY DEATH MATCH?"
You say, "I'll tell you the rules."
You say, "People are paired up, and each picks five words of five letters or less to whisper to their partner. Then everyone has to compose a poem with the words they were given"
You say, "Ten minutes remaining."
You say, "We're going to get these poems, then the winners will square off... then we'll do a second game including you."
You remove a massive Moomph dill pickle from in your imflass mail bodice.
You take a bite of your Moomph dill pickle.
Hey, that tasted great!
You say, "Yes... get it ready to whisper to me."
You say, "With the lines separated by colons."
You say, "Er semicolons."
You exclaim, "Semicolons! Semicolons! Death!"
Nofret says, "Mine is awfully long. I might need several whispers."
You stare at Nofret.
Ratero asks, "i can i just die now?"
You exclaim, "All right, time's up!"
You say, "Whisper to me your poems."
Rhud exclaims, "Dis high pressure stuff!"
You exclaim, "It's... POETRY DEATH MATCH!"
You say, "All right. First pair, poem 1."
You recite:
"You best not Jest
When I say stay Vigil
When you hear the Bell
Duck so you dont get Egg on your Gown"
You say, "And poem #2."
Rhud says, "Dat's good advice."
Rhud nods.
You recite:
"A witch transformed an elven prince to a NEWT
His brothers to wombat and yes, bandicoot
The newt crawled to the commons and then up a TREE
Searching for what escape there could be"
You recite:
"But nothing he saw could shatter the spell
Till meandered through town a PYRO from hell
The vilest of pyrothags--twas almost absurd
When the pyro ignored Lyv and Juspy to taunt newt and BIRD"
Lyvonia glances at Nofret.
You recite:
"The newt leapt from the tree--twas really quite BRAVE
If you didn't know twas his skin he would save
He lit on the pyro--mutual surprise
And blinded the beast. He spat in its eyes"
You recite:
"The Resters made short work of pyro so foolish
And all ate roast pyro on that night rather coolish
And the newt-prince? Well, he now serves a wizard
As an upgraded, state-of-art, shoulder-born lizard."
You say, "That's the end of that one."
You say, "Before, I was going to have the winners face off. But since then we won't have time for a second game..."
You say, "I'm going to recite the other two poems now, and you can choose from all four."
You recite:
"Dere's folks dat's fond o' animals
Rhud ain't too fond herself
But even Rhud has got ta say
Dat dey kin be a help."
You recite:
"We gets wool frum da rolton
Frum a goat, milk inna cup
An' when da night is frosty
Wit' da pig yas kin snuggle up."
You recite:
"So here's ta alla animals
Dat roam throughout da land
Rhud takes a sip o' beer in t'anks
An' gives 'em alla hand."
You say, "Now for poem number four."
You recite:
"In towns of old and days/ gone by
A bird would come and perch on high
At dawn's first light he'd broach the peace
Sing a song of sadness to the east"
You say, "Sadly, poem number four has been disqualified."
You grin.
Rhud says, "Aw..."
Rhud says, "Dat was good."
Rhud nods to Lyvonia.
Lyvonia babbles something unintelligible.
Lyvonia says, "I don't work well unter time pressure"
Rhud says, "Unner threat o' death."
You say, "Now you must all whisper to me the order you would rate poems 1, 2 and 3 in."
You say, "The spectators can vote too."
You say, "And the count says..."
You exclaim, "Nofret in first, Rhud in second, and Ratero in third!"
You applaud.
Ratero says, "but dont get egg on your gown"
Nofret says, "I cannot possibly accept the horrendous weight of that seed. If you will wait a moment..."
Nofret struggles to stand, but ends up falling over.
Lyvonia cackles!
You say, "It is Nofret and Songie, Me and Lyvonia, and Rhud and Thaumatous."
You say, "Any form you like."
You say, "If I was really mean I'd make everyone do sestinas."
You exclaim, "All right! Whisper to your partner, and start composing!"
>whi lyvon chaste vale amber white friend.
You whisper quietly to Lyvonia.
Lyvonia whispers, "hole, soup, nose, cup, star"
You chuckle at Lyvonia.
You exclaim, "All right!"
You say, "Whisper me your poems, with a semicolon between lines."
Rhud says, "Rhud tinks da death part is comin' up wit' da rhymes."
Nofret says, "Normal stuff, like nauscopy, eolith..."
Rhud exclaims, "Dun be pairin' me wit' dis evil human!"
You exclaim, "All right!"
You say, "Here is poem number One."
You recite:
"In misty vale a friend does come
Chaste of heart and pure of soul
In her hand an orb of amber glows
With words of magic old
We bring a bird of white and gold."
You exclaim, "Poem two!"
You recite:
"Dere wassa elf dat hadda sack
Da sack was big an' blue
He didna want ta lose dat sack
He kept it in his shoe."
You recite:
"He traveled far wit' sack in shoe
His step was funny then
On one foot, he was six feet tall
T'other, six foot ten."
You recite:
"But den one day he stopped fer lunch
At da side o' a lil' brook
An' some'un stole his sack away
Dat sack a teef dun took!"
You recite:
"So now he's sad an' woebegone
As sad as he kin be
An' alla round folks call dat elf
Sackless Simon See."
You exclaim, "Now for number Three!"
You recite:
"There was a DAY long ago in the Rest
Whilst in SHOCK o' the pie BAKER Jest!
Yelled from a green gecko
And heard on his ECHO
He said these River Rest pie crumbs are BEST!"
You exclaim, "Now for Four!"
You recite:
"A bold knight on a destrier rode out on a QUEST
Through all of the lands his TOUPEE was the best
The finest of weaves, in glistening YELLOW
No doubt that he thought himself a fine fellow."
You recite:
"Our vain, middle-aged knight rode on and rode far
Till he came to the pesthole called Jantalar
The vilest of nations, a horrible place
And there in a tavern the knight lost his MACE."
You recite:
"Well, he did not mislay it. Twas stolen, in fact
By a bardess who needed a good prop for her act
So she fussed o'er the knight, with a wink, with a sigh
And carefully strapped his mace to her THIGH"
Rhud says, "Dat could be painfuls."
You recite:
"But the mace was too large. She could barely stand
Teetering, she gripped the first thing close at hand
Gripped tight and gripped hard, while she swiftly did sway
And ripped the knight off--ripped off his toupee!"
You say, "Now for number Five."
You recite:
"Lean near, my dear, and I'll pile
A tale of wails and travails on thee."
You recite:
"See, this my Cup of sup, my Soup--
Inside bide seven leeks long, not wide,
Each like a spike from a troll-fiend's hide."
You recite:
"There reigned a bane of men, a pall
On halls of stone, on his pale stone throne,
Spiked of hide, with a Nose of bone.
A troll he was, and Brog was his name--
And he dwelt there dire, 'till the hunting-men came."
You recite:
"They slew the fiend, and snapped his reign
And up to a Star his spirit flamed
And ever then after, in the sky it shane."
Nofret asks, "Shane?"
You say, "Now for the last, number Six."
Songie says, "poetic license"
Rhud nods to Songie.
You recite:
"Oh there once was a baker who kept his sweet shop
On a cliff near a mountaintop high.
He would pat out his piecrusts through snows and raindrops
And gaze out, with a tear in his eye."
You recite:
"'Oh sir baker,' I said, 'these are great, I don't joke
So why all of this sobbing and tears?'
'Aye,' he said, giving his huge stomach one more poke,
'But you're the first soul I've seen in ten years!"
You applaud.
Rhud applauds.
Nofret applauds.
Songie applauds.
Rhud starts chortling.
Lyvonia grins.
Genteel smiles.
Lyvonia applauds.
Genteel lets out a cheer!
Alas, I didn't log who won the second game, but a hearty congratulations to all involved.
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